Words

Everything we say to someone is just words. Sometimes hurtful words, some times words of encouragement, sometimes loving words. So what happens when you fuck up your words, and never get them right? Idk lets find out...

Annoyed

Idk what happened but everything all of a sudden is annoying the shit out of me. Why set yourself up for disappointment once again. Idk i mean i get that love is a thing that you just know is real and that you have but...why constantly set yourself up for disaster? It gets old for the people that you run to. Eventually they are just going to deny you when you constantly keep going back. Idk its almost like your being used, or your wasting your time, because you know what will happen. It seems like a never ending and EXHAUSTING circle, and frankly im kinda sick of it. Its like trying to get someone help for a problem they have. They have to WANT to get better to get help, otherwise what you say doesn't really mean too much. I mean it does, it really does..but its the same cycle. I know its annoying, frustrating, and exhausting for those who are involved, its actually taxing to them. I know ive been that person, and i have been on the other side, person who is being the shoulder. It is taxing and exhausting.

Another thing, why would someone invite someone over then let that person just sit there by their self with nothing to do but sit there and stare at a wall with their thumb up their ass. Its rude, uncalled for and just annoying. I dont get it, if you dont want to do anything then dont invite people over then let them be by their self. Gah people are so fucking inconsiderate! The same goes for people who need answers to complete something and no one is giving you the answer, and the deadline is in oh lets say 2 days. Its annoying and unprofessional. How is someone supposed to..oh idk make a schedule lets say when new rules are being implemented but know one really has an understanding of those rules. So when you have a question about it and ask the people in charge and they just stare at you and say hmmmm thats a good question i dont know what to tell you. WTF is that person supposed to do. I guess make the schedule and if its wrong and they get fucked over say well i only asked about it over and over and you jsut stared at me like i was a fucking mirror. Just soo unprofessional and just..ugh annoying. NO wonder why people go crazy. Another thing. I love when people request off for a weekend or day and be like oh well i cant word during the week to make up those hours for that week..well damn huh you should have thought about that earlier. you just cant take off and expect it to be okay and no repercussion. ESPECIALLY if the bulk of your hours come from working the weekend and you request two weekends in a row off..WTF. THAT ANNOYS ME. THen you get mad at me cuz im trying to make something work for you. Its fucking ridic.



okay im getting tired from typing imma jsut leave now

Peace

Lets talk about Death

OMG...let me tell you something! I haven't been sick since 2nd grade. Now, when i say sick I mean like throwing up living in a toilet, cant move, depends on everyone else to come to my beck and call kinda sick. Well, that all changed this past Tuesday around 3 pm. I came home and was sick to my stomach couldnt eat anything. Went to cover a shift for two hours for someone, then came home and laid in my bed. I just started getting really cold and my stomach just hurt soo bad. Well finally i took a shower to warm up then laid back down. No sooner was i up and living in my toilet. UGH it was horrible, i didnt know what to do..i never get sick i was lost. I had to call my mommy lol. Im such a mommas girl...but can you blame me she loves me the best.

So needless to say i missed a day of studying and homework which i NEEDED, because this week is hell for me. I just had a test in Philosophy..so nervous. But now i must go and get off this wonderful world of the web and study for my next test today. Its CAS BLAHHHHH this class is dumb. The teacher needs to stick to middle school teaching cuz thats what she acts like.

PEACEEE

PS im feeling better just in case any of you care. :D

eat Up buttercup

The past two days, Christopher and I had the bestttttt ideas for food. Just sayin. Sunday we had a GIANT amount of AMAZING wings to watch the steelers somehow pull off their win. Yesterday, we wanted some Home D. Only the BEST restaurant in State College. Chris got my favorite item on the menu Buffalo burger..that shit is good, and I got Buffalo chicken Stromboli with Ranch inside mmmmmm. Today wont be so epic..but it will be close..im eating the second half of my stromboli so it will be like another orgasm feeling in my mouth. MMMMMM

Another thing I have realized the past few days, with help of new releases of CD's, is music is amazing. I mean i already had a post about how amazing music is, and how much it is in my life. But these artists that i have just added to my itunes collection have a way with words right now. Full of love, hate, and everything in between. Bruno Mars really has a way with his words on his CD. Makes me really want November to come and especially Thanksgiving break. SO many surprises and good time to come out of that week! But...this week is going to be PURE hell. I have two tests one which i KNOW im going to fail. I need to make an appointment with the advisers in HDFS, I have a paper, a schedule to make, i have to take my lil cousin Trick-or-Treating (WHICH IM SUPER EXCITED) then babysitting saturday, AND finally getting sloshed at Gloria's halloween party :D  If i get through this week..it will be great..cuz stress is consuming my lifeeee.
Okay now im rambiling okay have a great day.

Peace

Praying

Had a major scare/feeling of hope and happiness for a moment. My Coach from when i played Basketball at PSU DuBois texted me saying "I heard you were coming back to DuBois, is there any truth in that?" My heart starting beating really fast and i got extremely happy. I want this to work i want to be able to go back to PSU DuBois to pick up a double major of HDFS and play basketball. I miss it...sooo much its sad. I dont want to be here at University Park any longer. I hate it here. Its not that i dont like being here, I love my classes and what im learning. I love my friends that I have met here. I just miss basketball sports, and just being me..i cant do that here. it sucks i want this to work. I NEED this to work

SO please Pray that i can do this...it would be greatly appreciated it..and if you dont pray..do whatever you do when you want/need something to happen. Thanks Love to all

peace

Happiness?

What is happiness? The answer is going to be different for everyone. But if you really think of it...what really is happiness. Is it money, love, adventure? Idk...sometimes when hearing the answer to that question make us sound Superficial. Why does superficial things have to make us happy? People spend their whole life trying to make a name for their self, or to become rich or to have that PERFECT someone in their life. A lot of the time it seems that we are so unreasonable with what we want..and what we think will make us happy. In the end if you do get that EXACT thing your looking for..fame, fortune, that perfect someone..are you really happy...

Think about it. We are on our journey to find our answer to happiness....sometimes that takes forever, sometimes we could never find it. Point is we spend more of our life searching for happiness, then living in the moment, being happy for the life we have, for who we are. If were searching, were not happy right now? That doesnt seem right or realistic to me. most of our life we are unhappy, until we find our answer..find what we need, our definition of happiness. Just seems like were walking through life with blinders one, only keeping our eyes open for that prize that we feel will complete our definition of happiness. When doing that were missing out on so many things that make this life amazing, that can be happiness. But, just because they are not in our line of focus on happiness, we judge them and look right past. Only to still be unhappy, walking through life unhappy. When happiness is what we make out of it. Not superficial meanings of happiness.

Thats happiness to me. I know i know money, all that jazz that we want and think will make us happy is fun, and it might really make us happy. I just feel like were wasting our time only looking for those definitions of happiness, when we should be open and searching for everything. Not to just be focused on that one thing. Life, we only get one, dont waste it on searching for one thing, walking through life with blinders on embrace it. Look at everything. Happiness in life is only what we make it.

Peace

Epic Fail

I came home from work at 5:00 P.M. I have been sitting staring at my computer screen since then. I am googling things to do. Why you may ask? Because I have no life. I an epic failure on this glorious Friday night lol. I have options..but i really dont care to go get drunk off my ass..not my thing. So what do i do instead. Light my Pumpkin candle play audio surf for an hour get bored. Google funny sites, look at oh..half a dozen then start falling asleep at 8:00. Ohhhh how i love my life.

I believe im the only one home in my apartment. WOO HOOO..more being alone + Me = FAIL...no wait..EPIC FAIL. ANNDDDDDDD im not even texting..i mean you can say im texting but i get a text maybe once possibly twice every half an hour..why..because everyone i talk to is doing something..I fucking rock dont I Yes...why yes i do...NOT.

Probably going to bed soon..cuz i have nothing else to do. Pathetic..but hey...its what i have to work with...oh well fuck it

Peace

Philosophy 012 = suicide

This class is and will be the death of me. There is NO FUCKING POINT TO THIS FUCKING CLASS...He told us what people do with this is.. A. Teach, B. Make apps for iphones or computers...and become a millionaire. YESSSSSS OMG I knew thats why decided to take this class...this is EXACTLY what I came to Penn State to do with my future. There is no point for my major and having this as a major requirement. There isnt im sorry. You know what my adviser told me, Yeah everyone has a really really hard time with that course. CUZ THATS PRACTICAL. If the department is aware of one class that fucks over the whole major and this option, why wouldnt they investigate, or drop it or put something else there that isnt so threatening to ones life and thoughts. Another major factor i knew this class meant death, is when we walked into class and he talked about making sure we are aware of the counseling on campus if we have suicidal thoughts. He's like this class needs to know about the help you can receive on campus for free..for both our safety and his. WTF WTF PENN STATE. REALLY THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE SYLLABUS ABOUT COUNSELING AND PSYCHIATRY BECAUSE THIS CLASS CAN CAUSE THAT...WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FOR REAL.

IDK whatever ..this class sucks end of story. Nothing i can do about it..just pray and hope cuz there is really no fucking point...to this fucking class...okay im done ranting and raving...till next time

Peace

How is Hate funny?

I love you. Those three words mean a lot to a person...or if they dont they should. They mean a lot to me. A LOT. I dont understand how people can really fuck with those words. How can saying I love you one min then the next going I hate you. Dead serious. I hate you. WTF is that? idk..but being a bitch or not..it hurts..a lot..it sucks..and its not funny. There is a BIG difference between riding someone ass for something that was a mistake to telling someone who supposed to love you that you hate them.....i dont get the joke in that at all. Thats like faking a death..to me that is....but once again..what do i know. Wassers!

peace

Text Messaging can = DEATH

IDK about you, but for me sometimes I really hate text messaging. Yes i knwo im addicted in the frist place. Sending over 20 thousand texts a month. BUTTT what i really hate is how so many things people text can be taken the wrong way. You never really can tell when someone is pissed off or happy or upset or annoyed. I mean yes there are those times you can definitely tell that the person you are texting is pissed off, but have you ever just had a conversation where you took what that person texted one way and they meant it another then a feud erupted because of that? Story of my life it seems. As much as i love texting because it keeps me connected to the people i love and care about, but i also hate it because of the indefinite meanings through text. There could be soemthing going on at that particular moment where your full attention isnt on that text so your just doing the safe text. My safe text is okay lol or Lol okay lol. I usually put that when i just need to get something out becuase im busy or someone is talking to me or im at work or class etc etc. More times than not, that ends up being like why did you just laugh at that. Im sorry i didnt understand the context of what you just said, or I wasnt giving my full attention. Im just sick of fighting thats all i know..and mostly its over nothing..stupid petty shit that shouldnt even be an issue...but what do i know...not much.

okay i need to clean my room..blahhhhhhhh i hate cleaning.

reevaluating

The question most hate to hear...or the question that seems pointless to ask someone at a young age. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" WHO THE FUCK KNOWS! I mean for real, our life isnt set out in stone, theres not a map for us that tells us where to go, or bread crumbs for us to follow. So how are we supposed to have an answer for that pointless question. Life is full of twists and turns..well maybe I shouldn't surmise that ...my life is full of twists and turns..you may have the bread crumb trail to follow..how am i to know. You can ask me where do I see myself tomorrow..one would think I should say at class, or work, but how can one be sure thats where they see their self. Personally I dont see myself in school or work, only for the sole reason is I hate both those places. So why would I see myself in places I dread. Besides, something could come up tomorrow. I could become ill, or possibly die, so how can I see myself somewhere, when nothing is set in stone.

I think the best possible solution to help guide the path to your future is to really sit down and evaluate yourself at where you are RIGHT NOW in your life. Not tomorrow, now. Look at the person you are and the person you want to be, are they related, do you feel that you are learning to become that person? Are you content with your decisions that you have made in your past? Ask your self questions like that, about stuff you have already done, or have already started to implement in your life already. Not what you want to implement, or what you plan on doing tomorrow. Most importantly evaulate yourself, your feelings, how you have been feeling, how other people in your life view you. Think of things that you find odd that people may have said to you, or "jokingly" said to you...remember subliminal messaging. Having someone think something that hinders their life, their thoughts and feelings, that effects them negatively isnt good..especially if it its something you are already doing or saying that is making this person worry and say things that make them blame their self. Thats the last thing I want, is for someone to think they are one of my worst nightmares, that they are blaming their self for something im doing to myself, or in my daily routine.

I think its time for me to reevaluate myself...and I mean really evaluate myself. Not the quick scan like the option you have for a virus scan on your computer..a very through analysis of everything in my life up to Now. Its not a fun process, but it can be helpful and rewarding if done the right way...idk thats just my thoughts though. What do I know..."im just a poor boy nobody loves me" lol. Alright..i need to start thinking...maybe you should too. Are you being the person, friend, partner, husband, wife, mother, daughter, son, father, etc you want and should be?

Peace

Sad

Today is a sad day...its rainy, cold, fall, just all around blah. On top of that I had to work, and truthfully I hate that place. I want to leave sooooo bad. I want to get another major and finish it at home so I can play basketball, and just get away from here. I mean dont get me wrong I do love state college, I have some AMAZING friends, and i really do LOVE my classes im taking for my major. They are really interesting. I am just a very athletic person, and I needs sports. I have been on Intramural baseketball teams and such, but..they just dont do it for me. Its not the same. I miss it.

The main reason im sad today is i REALLYYYYYYYY miss by Best friend, my life, my literally.. everything. She lives in another state and its just hard for us to actually see each other and hang out like i wish we could. She is soo amazing, we text non stop, she just is amazing. She knows everything about me, I would lay my life down for her. Shes soo kind, and is always doing things for others...especially her family. Who i think expect an UNREASONABLE amount from someone...it saddens me, but thats beside the point. But yeah i miss her a lot shes my best friend ever, i love her. BUTTTTTT shes coming for the week of Thanksgiving. So thats what im giving thanks to. I just wish November would come sooner than later. I know its a month away, but still it just sucks that we live so far away and have to save up money to go see each other. I went to Florida with her and her family last summer. BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. BLAHHHHHH i miss her. Okay enough me sounding annoying and monotonous....its just hard.

Back to doing homework and being studious with my other best friend Christopher <3

Peace ☮

subliminal messages

Isnt it weird what people decided to share with people. One person could share on thing with one person then someone else they consider a good friend neglect to tell, most likely for a reason. Isnt it funny though that you find out what someone neglected to tell you, but now that you know the information, they piratically told you without telling you? So many times people say things that we pass off as jokes, or as just nothing at all...but really are they jokes..are they really nothing? We are humans and humans talk in subliminal messages everyday.

Which makes me think, if we do this, then are we really listening to others when they are talking to us? If we really listen can we really hear what is really being said? Its like that notion of how many people are really okay when asked how are you today when they respond im good. How many times is that true? I would like to say from personal experiences that most people aren't really "good." Its crazy if you figure out after the fact that you knew this all along..you just neglected it because we dont really listen to people when they talk. Regarless if someone is trying to hide something bad or good..they want to be found out. They want to have someone figure out what they are really saying.

So why dont we listen, I mean REALLY listen to someone when they are talking to us? Why do the subliminal talkers decide to hide it..talking in subliminal messages? Its crazy how our bodies protect us from what hurts us..i mean think of it...if something traumatic happens, our body can act like a defensive line and block us from that. Maybe not forever..but for a good part. Our bodies are amazing machines if you really disect it and think about everything it is capable of doing.

Just thought that is running through this tired mind...think about it though next time your talking to someone. Really listen to them..see if you can crack the subliminal message code.

Peace

Sock Thief

Today will be an epic day. Why? Well, when I do laundry I fold everything then match my socks at the end...logical right..right. Well anyway this morning I started matching my socks, and usually there are like 2 or 1 sock that is left with out its mate. Its tragic. So I end up adding them to my collection on top of my cable box in my room. Currently I have 3. Two white Under Aumor socks, and no they dont match trust..two different prototypes, and a white puma sock..that goes a little past your ankle...and the puma is pink. 1. I never wear socks that go over the entire ankle..its like be shackled in prison..HORRIBLE. 2. I wouldnt get the light pathetic color of pink the puma is. So I have no flipping idea where this sock came from...which leads me to believe it will always be on top of my cable box.

I love socks! I do, and I lvoe taking other peoples socks. Going home is probably one of the best feelings. A. I get to see my dog cooper (only the best animal EVER) B. I get to see my mommy (I a major mammas girl) C. I get to take socks! There is something about taking my sisters socks that make me happy. So as I was matching my socks today..i think i matched 3 sets of puma socks..white blow the ankle with a black puma that arent mine. They are either Em's or Car's but i dont care. I go into their rooms all the time and say hey those are nice looking socks..white...clean looking..atletic..and most importanlty below the ankle. I just snatch them up..and they are flipping amaizng..they make my feet sing and rejoice. Just knowing that these socks on my feet are great looking and not techinally mine. I have a sock problem I see a pair of socks I like..I will probably take them.

Now I would NEVER steal socks from a store or a friend..just family members...there is something about taking my sisters socks that they paid for and that they think mysteriously disappear all the time so they buy more just to repeat the process again that makes its soo amazing. I think everyone should try it. So go ahead next time you are home take ur sisters, or bothers. hell even ur parents socks. Wear them and then you will see the amazing feeling of being a sock thief.

Sick ugh

UGHHHH..i hate fall, winter, cold and EVERYTHING associated with those items..yes that includes christmas. I know i  can hear you now, "SCROOGE!" Im perfectly okay with that lol. Along with all those disgusting things I mentioned comes sickness. I hate that, but then again who likes being sick? I have a cold and its eating my soul, my brain, my entire mortal being....along with my Philosophy 012 class. Who would have thought I...lil ol' me would ever consider taking Vitamin C pills for the past 3 months....some help that was. Vitamin C...FUCK YOU! lol.

I may be sick, but im also another type of sick. Sick of people's shit, sick of my best friends getting hurt repeatedly, sick of my roommate, sick of my job, sick of school, and plain just sick of most people. WOW that was a list...and that was only part of it haha. I sound like a major complainer...but oh well i dont care. I dont get how some people can be so rude, and just trample all over people. Good people at that, people who mean well, and care back. Just sucks, and then to top it off...that being of a person who tramples on hearts doesnt think anything could be their fault. Gotta love those people who cant accept blame. People are just plain rude.

But anyway, as i sit here and blow countless pounds of snot into tissues, and sip mountain dew like its cocaine, i sit and ponder these mindless games people play. I dont know whats worse, those who fall for it endlessly (which i fall under this category), or those who do the stomping? Who knows...but for now..cuz I can only sit for so long till my snot pours from my nose Peace out

PEACE

Irritability

I really do not show anger easily. It takes a lot for me to get physically upset and angry. But getting annoyed or irritated is a whole different area for me. I get annoyed at the drop of a hat. If someone says something to me in a way that stirs me up i get annoyed. I dont usually come right out and say im annoyed but I definetly dish it right back. A lot of silence or snide remarks..stupid things like that. At the time, i really dont give a rats ass that im doing that. Yes, i know some of you are like damn shes a bitch..and i would have to agree. I am quite the bitch when i need to be or provoked. Little things just annoy me and i need to get my space from that thing or person. In most cases that other thing/person does not understand that and then the situation becomes more silent, and more bitchiness arises. Which is fine with me because when im in that mode theres nothing i like more then to continue to give it back. I am writing this blog because i am irritated right now. I get defensive, and just dont give a fuck..i mean i do but at the moment its like just let me go my way for a moment. If you dont see it how i see...you dont have to try and understand im not asking for that im just asking that you dont make it seem like im the scew up or im the messed up one etc etc. The list goes on and on. I make mistakes all the time...i get that and im sorry for that..i really have screwed up a lot of times with trust and words like that. But please you dont have remind me about it at every given chance. It just makes me more annoyed, and the conversation continues to be like talking to a wall. But now im just rambling..so imma just call it a end of this blog. lol

Breast cancer Facebook I like it....WRONG

Im sorry, but this year Breast cancer awareness game for facebook is RIDICULOUS. I find it wrong and degrading to those battling breast cancer.  For the past week i have been reading peoples status that involve i like it then they say something like the floor, on the table, etc. Its supposed to be where do you like your purse? And people are supposed to post in their status i like it..then put where they like it. In the email that you get from your friends explaining it, tells you that people will think dirty thoughts...why would someone want to make something...or make other people think something sexual or dirty about something thats supposed to raise awareness in Breast cancer. I find it wrong and morally degrading to those who are battling this. I read one that said " I like it between my legs when getting dirty." Why must our society make everything into a perverted statement..or make it look perverted? Its sad to see that people get laughter out of this. I love the comments its interesting to see what people say, well I know and heard a lot of people say that they sat there and tried to make it sound perverted. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?? This is a serious issue not something that we should make into another one of our little jokes. This just bothers me. So im not participating this year.

I think everyone should think twice before posting an I like it...on facebook..

Music=love

There is one thing in this world that I can always rely on to always be there for me...through thick and thin...through happiness and sadness...through it ALL. That my friends is MUSIC <3. I love music, and I love most all genres of music. My Ipod ranges from The Beatles, Elton John, AC/DC, Kid Rock, 3oh!3, Eminem, Jay-Z, Linkin Park, Godsmack, NIN, Rascal Flatts, techno, all the way to Mozart. I love it all. There is a song, or style of music for everyone, and EVER mood you happen to be in.

One thing that makes music so wonderful is it connects EVERYONE together. You could be sitting next to someone, someone you dont even know..someone who may not speak the same language as you, but that person and you can have one common bond, one thing that connects you even though you have no idea who this person is, and that is Music. Music is the one thing that can Unite everyone in this world. It makes us alive, it moves us, it is there to console us after a breakup or life changing situation, its there to help us pass the time, its there to motivate us, to get us through that next mile, or that next interview. Music is one thing that we rely on more than we would like to admit. But im proud that i rely on music so much, i love it. My music is who i am its my representation of my life, of where i stand. From the moment i wake up to the moment i lay my head on my pillow to call it a day, i have music in my ears or in my environment.

So next time you slip year headphones on or put your itunes on while getting ready, think about it. why did you put that on, why are you listening to that music...your responses my surprise you.